VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize