Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
