How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
