Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
