yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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