I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
