she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
