ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize