i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
