Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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