did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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