They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
