I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
