"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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