You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
