i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
