Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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