Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
