is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
