no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
