I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
