I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
