I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
