K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
