"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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