dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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