I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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