my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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