i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
