The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
