she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
