Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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