She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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