So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
