Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
