Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
