I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This girl is more easily done than said...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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