Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
