So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
