a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
