There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
