this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
