but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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