she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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