I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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