What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
