So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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