I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
