Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
