how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
