Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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