a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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