it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
