I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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