I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
