it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
