He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
