im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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