its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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