I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
