I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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