That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
