You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
