i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This baby is an asshole
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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