I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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