That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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