Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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