This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize