Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
