I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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