He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
