Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
