i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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