i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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