I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
