i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
