my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
