i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The struggles of a small town man whore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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